Joe Torosian's Outsiders Sports

By Joe Torosian

Kick it!

The only thing missing from last night’s national championship game was skates and Jonathan E….that was a physical contest.

Bodies were hitting the floor, players were going down, I kept waiting for Bill Rafferty to shout over the air, “Game? This wasn’t meant to be a game!”

Hardly pretty, little aesthetic charm, but it was competition and exactly what you want in sports.

It would have been a lot cooler if Solo Ball played more than 16 minutes, and Silas Demary Jr. just 21 because of foul trouble.

Ball finished with four fouls, Demary fouled out, and college basketball blanked up again with its 20th-century rules.

Last Add NCAA Final: I thought Aday Mara and Morez Johnson Jr. should have shared the Most Outstanding Player award. Elliott Cadeau was good, but those two big men altered everything defensively in the paint.

Speaking of Victory Wembanyama, Luca Doncic, and injuries… they’d all be healthy for the playoffs if the NBA had a 60-game regular season.

Trump didn’t offend Canada as much this past year as the Dodgers have.

First, they win Game Seven in Toronto after Miguel Rojas’ ninth-inning home run ties it at 4-4. Now they go back, hammer the Blue Jays, 14-2, and put Rojas on the mound to finish the Game.

It was “veni vidi vici” Caesar-like. I’m surprised the Bums didn’t plant a UNIQLO flag when it was over.

The Chicago Sky traded Angel Reese to the Atlanta Dream for two first-round picks. While Reese has mastered the MeBound and double-double, the Sky did not make the playoffs in two seasons with her. Atlanta had the fourth-best record in the WNBA a year ago.

If you’ve sat through and watched all four days of the Masters Golf Tournament—and not just all day on a Sunday—raise your hand.

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I didn’t mind walking or driving a course back in the day. I won’t say I played golf. For me, I swung a club, tore grass, and sliced into the drink.

Appreciate the Game, love Caddyshack, but golf on TV is a yawning festival—a tradition unlike any other.

While draft season is also lying season in the NFL, do you have any doubts about Fernando Mendoza being the real deal?

Was the NIT even played this year? (I’m being rhetorical, I know it was played, but it feels like it wasn’t played.) The NIT Final Four should always be in Madison Square Garden, and played with a red, white & blue ball.

Fantasy Baseball is a whole lot better when you’re in first place.

Last Add WNBA: If you’re needing a basketball fix until the NBA playoffs start, the WNBA Draft is next Monday…A tradition unlike any other.

The Dude abides…
1,265
John 12:12-19
jtbank1964@yahoo.com
Follow Joe on X: @joet13b

By Joe Torosian

Kick it!

How fast has the narrative changed for the Rams this offseason?
Here’s a transcript from “The Exorcist” reboot.

Mother: “I thought you were supposed to be some kind of expert?”

Priest: “There are no experts. Your daughter doesn’t claim to be a demon, but Puka Nacua himself.”

I don’t think this is the reason the Rams are going to take a receiver in the first round — they were likely to take one anyway — but having #13 overall has to be very comforting.

And just like that, the Lakers aren’t very interesting.

Not sure of a lot of things, but I am of this. If I had attempted a “Euro Step” back in the 80s, I would have been whistled for traveling 95% of the time.

(The 5% exception would be if CB Bucknor was officiating.)

When your team isn’t playing the Final Four, it’s one of the best things since sliced bread…When your team is in the Final Four, it’s a stress test without the treadmill.

It also increases your ability to communicate in unknown tongues…Believe me, I’ve heard it and can provide interpretation.

I’m generally a Wolverine guy, but Dan Hurley, again, acknowledging Jim Calhoun and Kevin Ollie makes it really easy to root for UConn.

I’ll also say this again, because I can’t say it enough—the five foul-out rule is incredibly jejune…Let the dudes play and make the consequences extra foul shots.

The college players are getting paid, they have free agency, give the fans something, and get rid of this archaic rule.

In one game on Saturday, the Angels’ Jo Adell stole more than the IRS—if such a thing is possible. Not even Gary Pettis took three home runs away in one game.

I think Wemby is what people dreamed Ralph Sampson would be.

Next Add Rams: Dropped the question over the weekend…If the Rams can’t reach a deal with Jimmy Garoppolo to be their #2 quarterback…what about making a pitch to Derek Carr to come out of retirement? The former Raider/Saint expressed a desire to come back if it were for a contender.

Something to think about: Can the Rams expect a fourth consecutive season of Matthew Stafford having near-perfect health?

I don’t know what happened between Dawn and Geno, and I don’t care—but UCLA made it irrelevant on Sunday afternoon.

The only Betts missing for UCLA against South Carolina was Mookie…Just like the only “Vich” missing from the Illinois roster this season was Pete.

Last Add Women’s B-Ball: Caitlan Clark was fun to watch at Iowa, but I had no emotional investment. The last time I was interested was when Cheryl Miller was playing at USC with the McGee twins…But I was glad UCLA smoked South Carolina.

Really Last Add Women’s B-Ball: How much trash do you think Gabriela Jaquez is going to talk to her brother Jaime the next time the family gets together?

#20—May the San Francisco Giants rot and lie stinking in the earth…and after three losses to the Mets this weekend, they’re well on their way.

Not AI, but dogs are replacing Bat Boys. I saw the video. How is that going to work in August?

Well, all the jokes can’t be good—you have to expect that once in a while.

Question: It doesn’t upset me, but why do they have someone signing the national anthem if they’re not going to put them on screen?

I understand there’s closed captioning, but in the arena, are they shown on the scoreboard?… I’m open to correction/rebuke because I really want to know, and will be happy to get straightened out, but it feels like a bit of public piety to me.

The Dude abides…
1,264
Proverbs 3:5-6
jtbank1964@yahoo.com
Follow Joe on X: @joet13b

By Joe Torosian

Kick it!

The Oklahoma City Thunder either told the Los Angeles Lakers, ‘Run along back to Camp Snoopy, kids—this is where the big boys play.’

Or, they said…

‘Go home and get your blanking shine box!’

Choose your metaphor.

Speaking of abominations, why, while playing in front of a national audience, in a statement game, did the Lakers think it was good mojo to wear those hideous black jerseys?

You’re the Los Angeles Lakers!

What’s next, UNIQLO Court at Crypto Arena?

Regarding the game, once you saw the Thunder’s length and youth, you knew the Lakers were toast.

Tomorrow, I’m rooting for Michigan over Arizona. Not a fan of the desert, and I’ve spent some time in Michigan…so “Hail to The Victors.”

On a personal level, it would really help me to have Illinois beat UConn. On the flip side, I want the Huskies because a lot of people don’t like Dan Hurley.

Is the NFL Draft appointment viewing for you?

When the first three rounds were on Saturday, I cleared the deck. I hated the red carpet move to Thursday nights and backed off for a while, but it’s football. I couldn’t stay away.

Thursday night of the draft is appointment viewing for me, but I always prefer Day 2 of the draft…because, generally, that’s when the Rams start picking.

What I absolutely can’t stand are the background stories…everyone is playing for someone, from somewhere, for some reason that’s really important

#19—May the San Francisco Giants rot and lie stinking in the earth.

Back to the Lakers:

It wasn’t the best of all situations, but I loved how Austin Reaves defended Luca Doncic to a fan last night. While Luca was injured on the floor, an OKC fan mocked him, and Reaves answered back.

That’s the kind of thing that makes you love team sports. And, if you’ve had the good fortune of speaking with a former professional athlete, many of them will tell you that’s what they miss most.

“All men want, not something to do, but something to be.”—Thoreau

Amen!

The players miss being part of the team, connection, having someone’s back, and someone having their back.

In the macro, that’s what soldiers, who have been under fire, say. In the micro, it’s a similar feeling to athletes and other professions.

Unfortunately, Doncic going down with a hamstring is the worst possible news for the Lakers… I’m not even a Laker fan, but he makes them interesting.

And with Doncic out…the Lakers be done.

The Dude abides…
1,263
1 Peter 3:15
jtbank1964@yahoo.com
Follow Joe on X: @joet13b