Joe Torosian's Outsiders Sports

By Joe Torosian

Kick it!

Are you telling me I missed the Skip & Stephen A. reunion this morning?

Thank you! Best news I’ve had since my electrician charged me $150 an hour.

No one will ever accuse me of being a LeBron apologist, but the dude got hosed by the refs last night.

The Lakers weren’t going to win, but they were within five in the fourth. No team in the NBA plays defense like OKC, but they could be—could, I say–be prime for a serious nose-punch.

The Thunder might be having too much fun with work still left to do.

To be clear, the Lakers won’t deliver that punch, but they’re exposing the vulnerability.

Is James Harden the Clayton Kershaw of the NBA? A great regular season performer, every accolade under the sun, who becomes a dog during the postseason.

The 76ers need Joel Embid, but they do not need, nor should they, run their offense through Embid. With or without their center, Philly has a shot tonight.

To see Game Three, the worst seat at the Xfinity Mobile Arena in Philadelphia will cost you only $205.

So not only does the NFL screw over its fans by putting the season opener on a streaming service, but they also proceed to royally screw over their fans by putting the game on that disaster of a platform called Netflix.

The ear of an experienced sports fan can only handle so much Mina Kimes.

(Next Add Healy: “She’s a lovely lady, and my apologies to her.”)

The game (in Australia) will be broadcast to the LA and Fog City markets, but everywhere else, they’ll struggle to log in to Netflix.

…And miss Terrance Ferguson’s breakout performance.

Football needs the BFL—Billionaires Football League—because the NFL’s billionaires, with no competition, are abusing their fanbase.

Next Add Stadium Ticket Costs: At UNIQLO Field (formerly known as Dodger Stadium), two season tickets in the loge level will run you over $10,000 (possibly up to $13,000). Conservatively, add another $3,500 for parking, and you’re talking $15,000—before concessions.

And those tight-wads are only paying World Series hero Justin Wrobleski $790,000 this season. The Bums should be more like the Mets, pay everybody, and be unconcerned about production.

I appreciated the deep dive Google ad last night that explained why traveling is legal in the NBA.

The Cubs beat Cincinnati, 8-3, on Thursday to win their ninth straight. Why do I care? Someone has to stop the Dodgers.

#41—May the San Francisco Giants rot and lie stinking in the earth…

I’m beginning to think Craig Kimbrel retired a long time ago, but had his identity stolen. This version of Kimbrel is a bigger gas can than Terry Mulholland at the end of his career.

If I only had a straight as a string 55-mph fastball…I’d be having lobster every night.

Last Add Tickets: It will cost you 34-zops to get into the Barclays Center in Brooklyn tonight to see the Connecticut Sun play the New York Liberty in the WNBA opener.

The Dude abides…

1,287
Proverbs 19:21
jtbank1964@yahoo.com
“RamView” M-W-F
Follow Joe on X: @joet13b

By Joe Torosian

Kick it!

I’m curious, does anyone watch Barstool Sports? I usually catch the end, but not always, and I have to say, it gives me hope.

The Spurs, in more traditional garb, playing in a space dressed a little more like HemisFair Arena, were a lot easier to digest Wednesday night.

In the midst of routing Minnesota, I was having visions of James Silas, Larry Kenon, and a red, white & blue ball.

If more NBA series were best out of five, and part of a 50-game season, we’d see fewer blowouts as we did in San Antonio.

The teams I’m least interested in winning the NBA title are OKC and Cleveland… I’d love to see the Knicks go the distance, but if OG Anunoby is gone… they’re in serious trouble.

Last Add NBA: Tonight, 105-bucks will get you into Little Caesars Arena for Game Two between the Cavs and Pistons…To see the reigning champion Thunder blow out the Lakers, it will cost you $195.

You know what a tragedy is for a sports fan? Anyone who didn’t get to hear Jim Healy (and the dreaded six o’clock tone).

I keep getting asked if I’d be into the Rams acquiring A.J. Brown? Absolutely! The rumor is Philly wants a second and a third. Yah, I’d make that trade.

But, again, as I’ve said in the past, why would Philadelphia trade Brown to another contender in the NFC? It doesn’t make any sense.

Aaron Rodgers is the only quarterback in NFL history able to tell the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Rooney Family to jump, and dictate how high.

I’d sooner go 0-17 than surrender my franchise to a player.

I have to admit, I probably know more about Kenny Chesney than I do about UCLA’s Bob Chesney, but for the first time, in a long time, people are talking Bruin football.

Chesney, through the portal, has brought in 40-plus players, he’s got a veteran quarterback and a home schedule that includes Purdue, Michigan State, Wisconsin, and San Diego State.

And the Aztecs might be the toughest of all those opponents.

So, how much is this costing Westwood? I’m hearing 27 to 34-rocks, but I don’t know how accurate that is.

Survivor Note: Ozzie, dude, never let anyone outside the family know what you’re thinking.

Twenty years ago, if Draymond Green had insulted Charles Barkley the way he did last night, would Sir Charles have handled it the same way?

After the catch he made in Game Seven of last year’s World Series, did Dodger fans fully embrace Andy Pages? Or did you need to see him start this season with 8 homers, 33 RBIs, a .336 batting average, and an OBP of .376?

…And Pages is only making $800,000.

#40—May the San Francisco Giants rot and lie stinking in the earth…

The New York Mets have won three in a row, they’re now only 11 back in the National League East, and just 5.5 out in the wildcard race…There’s something telling me our time is now… It’s just a whisper, but I know somehow… We’ve got to listen, got to do it now…Life is look-ing good for the Mets and me.

The Dude abides…

1,286
Romans 5:3-4
jtbank1964@yahoo.com
“RamView” M-W-F
Follow Joe on X: @joet13b

By Joe Torosian

Kick it!

I’m curious, are people really excited about the WNBA season? Who’s going to contend? Who’s going to surprise?…Or is everyone waiting to see the next cheap shot on Caitlin Clark?

Let’s be honest, there’s nothing to watch beyond Clark.

I wasn’t in on the Stefon Diggs-to-the-Rams talk, but with his charges being cleared, I’m open to him being an option.

I expected a bit more thunder out of OKC last night. The Lakers were still in it late in the third before Jaxon Hayes got hosed on a charging call.

Hearing the Thunder’s PA guy doing player introductions reminded me of being at the drive-in as a kid. Late, during the second movie, just as Bruce Lee was about to kill somebody, you’d get a fuzzy buzz in. “Ladies and Gentlemen, the snack bar will be closing in 15 minutes. Thank you.”

Last Add Lakers: Would it kill the Lakers to be a little more judicious when wearing their gold unis? Can they just make them a home thing?

Bomani Jones…Bomani Jones with an opinion…Bomani Jones with the same opinion…Bomani Jones is so incredible jejune.

Part of my conversation online last night:

“Hey Joe T., we used to make fun of the bald white guys playing pick up at the park.”

“Yeah, but those bald white guys weren’t as good as Alex Caruso.”

Have you ever caught on to something too late? The first Seinfeld episode I saw was the second-to-last episode of the series — when Kramer sets the Puerto Rican flag on fire and stomps it out — and I was hooked.

Marcus Smart wasn’t great last night (he also played for the Celtics), but I feel like I missed a lot of good basketball from him, and that’s why I’m appreciating Detroit’s Ausar Thompson (Amen’s brother) now.

Did The View’s Ana Navarro really say Vanderbilt’s Diego Pavia was passed over in the draft because he’s Mexican?

The Mets are now only 6.5 out from a wildcard birth… There’s something telling me our time is now… It’s just a whisper, but I know somehow… We’ve got to listen, got to do it now.

Not only is Shohei Ohtani 0 for his last 17 at the plate, but last night he went seven innings, fanned eight, and allowed only four hits, but lost 2-1 to the Astros because he gave up two solo home runs in the second and third.

It may be time for Goatani to consult Jobu, or declare, “Blank you, Jobu, I’ll do it myself!”

#39—May the San Francisco Giants rot and lie stinking in the earth…

Weird how they called a “discussion” on the field a “brawl” between the Tigers and Red Sox Tuesday night… I’ve been in pre-school staff meetings more violent than that.

(Heck, trying to get a slice of pizza and some wings at the old Mid Valley office on a Friday night was more violent.)

Also, every time a fight breaks out on the floor, ice, or field, the announcers are so insufferable when they say, “Oh, no one wants to see this.”

I’ve never watched one sporting event in my life where everyone didn’t jump up when a fight broke out and begged for their guy to kick the butt of the other guy.

Personally, I felt cheated when Mike Piazza didn’t go after Roger Clemens. And, robbed that old anvil head, Kevin McHale didn’t end up in the hospital after clothes-lining Kurt Rambis.

I’m all for shaking hands in Little League on through high school, but at the professional level, I want to see Sharks-Jets intensity.

And when somebody wants to make peace, I want to hear Bernardo say, “Come on, you yellow-bellied Polack.”

…But I jest…

The Dude abides…

1,285
Ephesians 6:18-20
jtbank1964@yahoo.com
“RamView” M-W-F
Follow Joe on X: @joet13b

By Joe Torosian

Kick it!

Just call me, Knick.

Is my worst nightmare the Dodgers winning a third consecutive World Series? No.

My worst nightmare is Team USA winning the World Cup. I can’t think of a more catastrophic event happening to American sport.

I didn’t realize, until reading the comments, that the wounds from the 1993 heisting of the Stanley Cup from the Kings were still open.

What a beautiful thing. Tiberius Kirk would agree, as sports fans we need our pain.

Not so beautiful was the Met Gala in New York last night. I’m very judgey on this…I don’t want to see any player from my team go through the humiliation process. And, if they choose to, I’ll be a bit skeptical of them going forward.

After seeing the highlights while doomscrolling, my eyes needed a penicillin shot.

Last Add Gala: A lot of people want Joe Burrow, who attended the Gala, as the Rams quarterback down the road…Pasadena on that.

If you’re in OKC tonight, $152 will get you into the Paycom Center to see the Thunder dirt-road the Lakers. If you want to see the Cavs-Pistons, 79-bones will get you into Little Caesars Arena in Detroit.

How far has the world fallen? NBA teams used to play at The Mecca, The Omni, The Palace at Auburn Hills, Joe Louis Arena…and now Little Caesars Arena?

Every kid’s dream…

I was indifferent to Minnesota at San Antonio last night until I saw what the Spurs were wearing.

What in the name of Mark Olberding is going on in Alamo City?

The sight of the fiesta/city connect colors enraged me. The look immediately made me a life-long T-Wolves fan. Tony “Top Cat” Campbell lives!

When you have no emotional investment, you have the freedom to make irrational choices about who you root for. The Spurs were easy to hate last night.

(And I’m a George Gervin guy!)

For almost my entire adult life, I’ve had two jobs—sometimes three—so it’s hard to watch an NBA player, with only one job, be terrible at the foul line.

Doesn’t it bug you?

Julius Randle has to have the most bipolar game in NBA history. I’ve never seen a player so frustrating and then so good. It’s probably why he’s on his fourth team in 12 seasons.

Didn’t we bring up something last week about bodying up Wemby?

In the end, Minnesota got the steal because Chris Finch out-coached Mitch Johnson.

Did the Chargers get enough help for Justin Herbert this offseason? They still feel thin at wide receiver to me.

Does anybody ever wake up in the morning and say, “Cool! I’ve got Angels tickets!”…?

#38—May the San Francisco Giants rot and lie stinking in the earth…

The Mets have won two in a row, are only 11.5 back in the East, and just seven off the pace for a wildcard—Yah, now things are starting to come together!

Last Add Spurs: I like Terry Gannon and Jamal Crawford calling the games, but if you’re going to talk about the greatest big men in San Antonio history, you’ve got to mention The Whopper—Billy Paultz.

The Dude abides…

1,284
Ephesians 6:12
jtbank1964@yahoo.com
“RamView” M-W-F
Follow Joe on X: @joet13b

By Joe Torosian

Kick it!

Shohei Ohtani is 0 for his last 14. Is the party over at UNIQLO?

I mean, even Peterson, back in the day, didn’t go 0 for 14 when asking someone out. Continue reading →